Q) Did that hurt?

A) No, I was born without nerve endings.

A) Did it hurt when they removed your brain??

A) Yes, but my life is pain...

A) My childhood prepared me for pain.

A) I don't remember, I was too busy screaming.

A) Only for the first hour, then I got so delirious I didn't feel a thing!

A) This conversation is far more painful.


Q) Sorry!  

A) You will be.  


Q) What time is it?  

A) Time you got a watch.


Q) How was school?  

A) The police will fill you in.

A) The same living hell as always.


Q) Why did you do it?  

A) Because there were no narrow-minded friends like you to stop me.

A) If I'd known I'd have to answer these stupid questions, I might have reconsidered.


Q) What did your parents say?  

A) I ate them.

A) Parents? I was raised by dingoes.

A) I was genetically engineered and grown in a beaker. My lab tech thought it was cool, though.


Q) You're one of those freaks, aren't you?  

A) It's a lifelong dream.

A) Yeah, you won't believe the stigma that [proffessional achievement] has left me with.

A) Yes, and we are all gathering at my house next weekend to sacrifice a goat. Won't you join us?

A) John Cobb is my idol.


Q) Do you do that for attention?  

A) No. I do it to attract flies.

A) No, I did it for you.

A) Well it worked, didn't it?

A) I get enough attention just being me.


Q) Is that real?  

A) It depends; how exactly do you define "reality"?

A) No, it's a figment of your obviously warped imagination.


Q) Are you going to eat that?  

A) Only if you want it.

A) No, I am going to sit here and watch it go cold.


Q) Is it raining outside?  

A) Does it ever rain inside?


Q) Why are you so happy?  

A) The Samaritans were engaged.


Q) That's permanent, you know.  

A) So is ignorance.

A) Is anything in life truly permanent?